rationality

Few decisions have to be taken by using your heart...
and I did it today.
I argued (without any rationality) with two of my friends here.. and then I challenged them on certain grounds...
I said I am going to continue with traditions (though it might be silly) because I don't want my seniors or juniors to blame me for discontinuing something... I will do it even if I find it irrational...
I am not sure whether it is a dangerous trend or not..
I am not sure whether it is right or not...
I am just observing this as a fact...
and I guess I haven't changed in the past 4 years..

Team..

I don't like rajni movies... I know that he is not a good actor... but still I have the task of promoting his movies in the college :(...
I am planning to get crackers, camphor, coconut and get dressed in Dhoti and give an ethnic look to the whole tamasha of screening his latest flick. Though people think that we are mad, my team wants me to do this....
and I m doing this because its a long time since I did something for some team....
I don't believe in something but the position I occupy forces me to do that....
Is it a precursor for big decisions in my life ?

july 29th

my passport to a
--------------------
- a gr8 friendship
- a new culture
- many friends
- crush
- movies
- music
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- brand IIT
- freedom to do whatever i want in life
- Ayn rand
- Btechs
--------------------
Heres a toast to the IITian in me...
cheers...

Good will hunting

Good will Hunting is one of my favorite movies.. Happened to see it once again, few days back..
This is my favorite dialouge from the movie.

Robin williams to Matt damon:

So if I asked you about art you could
give me the skinny on every art book
ever written... Michelangelo? You
know a lot about him I bet. Life's
work, criticisms, political
aspirations. But you couldn't tell
me what it smells like in the Sistine
Chapel. You've never stood there and
looked up at that beautiful ceiling.
And if I asked you about women I'm
sure you could give me a syllabus of
your personal favorites, and maybe
you've been laid a few times too.
But you couldn't tell me how it feels
to wake up next to a woman and be
truly happy. If I asked you about
war you could refer me to a bevy of
fictional and non-fictional material,
but you've never been in one. You've
never held your best friend's head
in your lap and watched him draw his
last breath, looking to you for help.
And if I asked you about love I'd
get a sonnet, but you've never looked
at a woman and been truly vulnerable.
Known that someone could kill you
with a look. That someone could rescue
you from grief. That God had put an
angel on Earth just for you. And
you wouldn't know how it felt to be
her angel. To have the love be there
for her forever. Through anything,
through cancer. You wouldn't know
about sleeping sitting up in a
hospital room for two months holding
her hand and not leaving because the
doctors could see in your eyes that
the term "visiting hours" didn't
apply to you. And you wouldn't know
about real loss, because that only
occurs when you lose something you
love more than yourself, and you've
never dared to love anything that
much. I look at you and I don't see
an intelligent confident man, I don't
see a peer, and I don't see my equal.
I see a boy. Nobody could possibly
understand you, right Will? Yet you
presume to know so much about me
because of a painting you saw. You
must know everything about me. You're
an orphan, right?


This reminds me of my life...
Matt Damon to a Harvard guy:

The sad thing is, in about 50 years
you might start doin' some thinkin'
on your own and by then you'll realize
there are only two certainties in
life.

CLARK
Yeah? What're those?

WILL
One, don't do that. Two -- you
dropped a hundred and fifty grand on
an education you coulda' picked up
for a dollar fifty in late charges
at the Public Library.

what i want to say...

things are rosy at my end..
all the subjects are interesting...
I love this place..
I am busy thinking about my career...
I love music..
I read books..
I live my life..
I can stay away from this blog...
I dont think about her..

What I dont say.....

I am depressed..
The subjects suck.. The proffs suck more..
I hate this place...
I think about my career.. get jitters and end of the day, I dont do anything about it...
I stopped liking music...
I dont read these days...
I coudnt stay away from cribbing and this blog..
I do think about her :(....

p.s: Right now what I need is a guide who can help me out in my career and personal life....
Missing IIT days,the wonderful proffs we had, my guide :((..
I need a job.. I want to move out of this place and start earning.. I am sure I m not getting any value addition right now....

failure and success

Failures are stepping stones to failures
Success is stepping stone to success....

Eureka !!! ( I got enlightened when I was taking Bath :D)

P.s: I guess I will take a break from blog world for a short time so that I can return to sanity.....

racing...

I have gone mad....
I have to squeeze my sleeping hours from today... Each and Every minute counts....


P.s: Still couldn't find any problem in sales and distribution :((

patterns

I see only patterns in my life.. even in mathematics.. for some it is a science.. but for me Maths is an art.. the art of intuition.
Four years ago I was in similar state of mind and things are beginning to shape up in the same way.
Went to meet the proff regarding my dissert and he said in plain english words.." prepare an abstract and send it to me in seven days.. Lets then discuss about the milestones"..
Now If Someone asks me to prepare an abstract in computer science, I will take seven days .. Here I am supposed to prepare an abstract in sales and distribution about which I do not know anything... But then this is what the post is all about.. the patterns...... I will crib that I have finance exams in next week; I will crib that I do not know anything in sales and distribution; I will crib that how am i supposed to search for a problem in it without knowing anything in it..... Finally I will go ahead and do all of the above..... because I know that its coming..... the urge to taste my sweat,flesh and blood and come up with a dissert ....

p.s. After a long time I feel that I have written a positive post... because I feel it.. I feel it when I jog; and I dont feel anything else... its the only thing in my mind right now.... the PSYCHO is BACK....

as time flies by...

Was jolted by the pain ..pain of a relationship.... pain that I cried... came back and played in my mind....
Best part: I am taking time to recover...proves that I am not shallow..
Worst part: I am taking time to recover...proves that I am not tough..
--------------
I finally can feel, see, hear the voices in my head... The fear of failure is back... I m shifting my Gears... Two more months; seven subjects; seven projects; seven presentations; one dissertation; It looks daunting but there is only one thing that I can do... "I can't afford to waste my time"... thats it.... I need a FMCG. I have decided that I m going to sell soaps to rural women in Jharkhand.
--------
Was formally admitted to "kairali" in the college. :D.. After all how many people can enjoy a padmarajan movie ?
--------
The only problem is that I want to win in everything.... Its has been a long time since I proved myself that I am good...
After a long time someone asked my grade point and the usual incident happened. I want people to take me seriously....
---------
Song of the moment: " Loosu Penne" From vallavan... Tam/Mallu Readers please hear the song...

clear skies

you passed on your hugs to me via a gal whom I liked... and I had asked you not to give me a hug...
-------------------------------------------------
I resolved not to speak with any gal continuously for fifteen minutes atleast for the next two months....
An incident at college two days back triggered that resolution...
Gals -- are definitely a weaker sex... atleast the ones I have met till now in my life (with rare exceptions)....
--------------------------------------------------
These are the best days of my life.. Finally I found my short term destination......
-------------------------------------------------
It kind of feels funny when someone forces me to have a drink. I have crossed thousands of people who have forced me to have a drink... and I don't even give explanations these days.. just a "No" and a "wtf" smile....

tag...

Picked up the tag from NariyalChutney...

* Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
* People who are tagged need to write posts in their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* At the end of your post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

1) Fact 1: I am 5'10; 60 Kgs; lean; with looks that doesn't deserve a second look ( For a change let me describe physically :D)

2) Fact 2: I am not good in networking.... I would think twice before approaching my close friends for something... I wouldn't approach anyone(including "her" :)) else for anything... I wouldn't even think when my friends ask me something....

3) Fact 3: I love my father's Indica; listening to music; Driving fast; Night journey; tender coconuts; Unreserved travel in trains; meeting new people; Finance subjects and marketing job(this is an enigma and I donno why :( ); absolute loyalty;

4) Fact 4: I hate flirting..... ofcourse if she s "the" girl, flirting is allowed. I generally do not believe the guys who flirt. I can "smell" my friends from 1000 acquaintances ..

5) Fact 5: I do not know what I want in life....

6) Fact 6: I am impulsive; I am an introvert; I can however not mail/call someone for two months and still love them....

7) Fact 7: Once I give my word, I would die rather than going back on my word... I will share the fruits of my work with others;

8) Habit 1: I am finicky about my diet; about visiting my dentist once in six months;

Passing the tag to

1) Sandeep ( He is my only regular reader... )

My gal....

my ideal gal...

-> She would be my friend... This is a MUST and believe me being my friend is not easy.. I have chosen my friends all along. There are/were very few friendships which happened naturally in my case. I pick my friends from the crowd. She would respect my friendship and value it with whatever it deserves..( she can have better friends than me and value their friendship more than mine.. thats allowed :)))..
who is my friend ?
(Hint: Only If I ask her to do me a favor... )

-> She would not speak obvious things.... The wavelength that "everything is implicit" should be there.

-> She would see the beauty in small things of life... It can be anything from Pink Floyd to traveling in a Volvo bus on a full moon night. It can be eating "Egg parotta " in a small hotel at night 1.00 PM in some rural tamilnadu/kerala(which I did during my vacation), enjoying the monsoon, giving me a call at midnight just for the heck of it....

-> She would hurt me .. but then she would respect me... otherwise she would turn me off...

-> She would (try to) be the best mother in the world..

-> She wouldn't mind me speaking to anyone else as she knows the she is the most important person in my life.. that implicit acknowledgment should always be there...

-> she wouldn't be "obviously" girlish but then she would be girlish( do not know how to put it)...

-> I know that I haven't been with her for the past 25 years... She would understand that and she would try to live her past with me... she would take me to places which she liked... she would talk about things which she liked.. she would make sure that her past is mine as well...

-> she would make love to me... everyday... every hour..every second.. she would think about it.. In bed she would be innocent; and she would be a bitch;

-> she would obviously not interfere with my career...

-> she would understand my silence and respect it.. she would understand my body language.. she wouldn't give me unsolicited "gyan" or advice..
(Hint: My silence during a gyan or advice means -- "will you stop this Bullshit?")

-> she would know that above things are just a tip of the iceberg.. and living with me -- is a life time experience :)....

Monsoons....

What would I love to do in monsoons..

-> Sit near the window with hot cup of tea and watch the rains...
-> Travel in a bus which plays Ilayaraja song
-> just walk in the rain until I feel the raw energy of my IIT days
-> Think about the cyclones of Bay of Bengal and the holidays which we used to get until the cyclone crosses the shore
-> Read a Finance book...
-> Eat something spicy...
-> Talk/Blog some nonsense

Now I have done all of the above...The only one left is...

-> Make love to my gal :P ( In another two years, this wish would be satisfied :D)